Just about now, my illustrious and creative Cousine L. is roaming through NYC with no pants, and I am so proud! If only I were there (and 20 pounds thinner), we could make family history. Or infamy. And that would make us giggle!
Today is the 7th Annual No Pants! Subway Ride, and this year, there are 10 locations participating.
NOTE: This is 'pants' in the American sense, Dawny :)
Requirements for participation are:
1) Willingness to take pants off on subway
2) Ability to keep straight face about it (this would be the part where I might falter)
Not to objectivise L., but rumour has it she will have black boyshort underpants on.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
2 comments:
I still maintain that wearing no pants (the UK version) would be far funnier! (albeit chillier Brrrr) ;)
No Pants! 2008 was fantastic fun. We got on the subway at City Hall. My group rode the R train, but agents were on several different lines so as to more effectively spread the joy. We hopped on the train, pretending to not know each other. As soon as the doors closed, one fellow de-pantsed with a straight face and then exited the train at the next stop. When the doors closed again, two or three agents dropped trou, and went back to reading or listening to their iPods as one normally does on the subway. I was seated next to one of the pantsless and did my best to look shocked, offended and uncomfortable. The middle aged hispanic couple across from me seemed to buy my act and looked sympathetically at me as I tried to scootch as far as possible away from the hairy-legged, tighty-whitey clad gentleman seated next to me. He and the others exited the train at the next stop and then suddenly it was my turn...
I took a deep breath and tried my best to focus only on listening to my iPod (it is possible that I may now know all the words to Plastic Little's Crambodia) as I stood up with my friend Steph and a few other agents and in keeping with my stellar judgement unbuckled my belt, dropped my pants, folded them up neatly, placed them in my bag and sat back down. I caught a glimpse of a laughing grins from the couple who had previously felt sorry for my plight and I went back to reading. At Union Square we got off the train and waited pantless on the platform for the next R train to arrive. We waited and waited, another train flew through without stopping - it was rather breezy. A train, not the R, stopped, people got on, people got off and I tried to focus on my book.
A woman started talking to me. I steeled myself to keep a straight face (NOT my strong point - Cousine A tormented me all of childhood... making me giggle at the dinner table or making faces so milk would come out my nose when I started laughing, I digress...) so I removed one of my earbuds. "You have very pretty hair!" she said. I was confused and a little disappointed to utter, "Thank you" instead of, "Oh Gosh, You're right! I was a little cold, but oh my god, I forgot my pants!!!" or perhaps the calmer slyer, "I didn't really forget them, I'm just desperate for a tan." I still can't decide if the woman truly neglected to notice my pasty pantsless legs, or if perhaps she chickened out of saying something sassy at the last moment. I guess I'll never know.
The R train finally arrived and Union Square Station's pantsless peeps got on the train. We rode up to 59th (?) picking up more liberated agents at each stop. Some folks were braver, bolder and far more capable of keeping a poker face about it all; engaged the confused pants-wearing passengers in small talk. I heard chit-chat about the coming snowstorm, the Cowboys-Giants game and the persistent questions of a strange man with a big latex pumpkin about all the other pantsless people. I was so proud of the male Agent in the top half of a suit who politely explained that something had happened to his pants, but he had no idea why there were other people without pants on. Maybe if I start practicing now, I'll be able to keep enough of a straight face about not wearing pants to actually talk to strangers on the train next year. (Mother tells me it is good to have goals!)
At 59th we got off the the train and crossed the platform to catch the train back to Union Square. There was more of the same - people laughing, people gwaking, silly explanations for the absence of pants: nice day, stolen at a party, laundry day, rough night, a conspicuous stain, couldn't decide what to wear...! We eventually made our way back to Union Square where we got off the train and, sans pants, walked up to the street level and gathered in the park.
It was 45 degrees and rather breezy, but our silly grins kept us warm. There was a game of pantsless Twister, and a strange older man with obscure 2008 political poster dropped his pants and shouted, "Would Obama do this?!?" It was surreal. Two guys next to me decided that Hillary wouldn't to do it in her granny panties, but were quite certain that Bill would. Good lord! The majority of the group started to get cold and boisterous. A couple of hundred people stormed the Virgin megastore. The rest of us headed to a bar (pantsless) for the after party. Walking in one's panties down the streets of New York in January requires a a heck of a lot of moxie. We were freezing and half dressed, but it was fun. Thankfully, it was nothing like those nightmares about showing up to school in your underwear!
The poor solo bartender at the Crocodile Lounge had no idea what he was in for when a hundred and fifty or so pantsless people took over the bar. The few pants wearing patrons were overwhelmed. Some laughed, some left and some took their pants off too. the evening was a blast, I made some new friends and wound up running in to a couple of friends from college. They were wearing pants but were not alarmed by the absence of mine. :)
The No Pants! Subway Ride was a blast. I'll definitely do it again next year.
PS. I sported lacy purple boyshorts and am on the look out for the perfect skivies for next year's festivities.
Post a Comment