Firstly, it seems a good moment to warn readers against the following mixture:
1 Tbsp baking soda
1 Tbsp sugar
balsamic vinegar until liquid mixture
This results in a foaming explosion of sticky and nasty-tastingness that is impossible to ingest, leaving one with icky fingers and a face like a cat that has just licked something extremely unpleasant. Like its bum.
Admittedly, the instructions called for white table vinegar, but since that is missing from my cabinet, I substituted. I am doubtful that a different species of vinegar would have made a whit of difference.
Why, one might ask, would anyone try this? Has someone too much information at one's fingertips via the internet? The answer to the second question is, 'Yes.' The answer to the first question involves the fact that my tummy is grumbly and (from the helpful t'internet again) this could be from one of the following:
*high dairy consumption
*high fibre consumption
*IBS
*drinking from water fountains
*wearing tight clothing
*sighing
*chewing gum
How very helpful. It is my opinion that one of the first two options might be the crux here.
And are readers aware that the following are remedies for hiccoughs?
* drinking catnip tea
* having someone pull on your tongue
* putting ice on the neck
* sneezing
* having someone massage your feet (I think I like this inane site)
* going on a 3-day complete fast (okay, maybe they are nutters)
These are listed under the ingenious symptom description of: 'Hiccups that you want to have stopped'.... Ummm. Okay. Nope, I have the hiccups that I want to stay forEVER! ...Oh my gosh -- Charles Osborne of Anthon, Iowa (I always knew those Iowans were a bit off), started hiccuping in 1922 and hiccuped for the next 65 years. After 430 million hiccups, he passed away. Wiki-proof.
Have also learnt that Bruxism is the formal term for 'grinding one's teeth.'
I wear a plastic mouth guard for that... I am not bitter at 'insurance' balking at preventing my having more expensive problems due to teeth wear.
How is it 00.27 am? I shall take my Grumpy McTummerton to bed now.
Wednesday 5 September 2007
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1 comment:
Surely you knew that if you mix an acid and a base you'd get an explosion...
Also, be nice to Iowans. They are nice to you. (Although, the more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that it is in fact not libelous. Iowans are a little weird.)
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